Ya.. i should let it go, and make a fresh start

Its true when you hide from something, and you avoid it, it was never settled
Just that it has been left there for so long, till you don't feel anything about it anymore
I was troubled with my past, for quite sometime, those dear to me would know!...
Well, you changed your focus, you tried occupying yourself, after trials and trials, it finally work.. that something that use to bother you, doesn't exist anymore.

Now that i'd recovered, i think i must talk to this person face to face. Start from scratch, rebuild the missing bond that was abandoned by me.. 1year back. Something which i'm feared of confronting
Now..that i had completely let go, i realise, i need to see this person and clear all the misunderstandings... for i know, i'll only be able to let go if i can talk to the person about the matter face to face, not by avoiding it..

And i know, if its done, there would be nothing left to hold!..Wish me luck.. i think i'm almost there..

Thanks to those who constantly gave me moral support includes Tsae yun, nana and lisa.. thanks for the whole 1 year of consoling and comforting..
Yee Wah and the gang, thanks for the support and the acceptance. I knew you guys wouldn't leave me..neither would i..

Thanks to my sis, who understood my situation, and that she had been my listening ear.. Its harder to tell someone that close to you.. But she was there..and she held on to me..ahh..jie?..love you lots

Finally, after all the hassle, the tears, and the pain..its gone.. i'm numb..and I had LET GO!!..
There will be a day, when i can repair all the wrongs, when i can make it a flawless friendship.

yes..i'm glad.. and i hope, my next plan would work..
people?... i'm BACK!!this is a confirm RETURN!!for GOOD!..

ANother.. suspicious man

I was walking to ktm today, and the sun was really hot!!!!...

Using the usual route to KTM and with people reminding me to be careful walking alone, i was trying to be alert( difficult cause my mp3 always manage to distract me)

So i was on my way to a junction when i felt something behind me..There was this man, who is not a chinese ..or an indian.. in A white van car plate : BGF 4026 ... who was jz right behind me!!! ahhh..he was driving EXTREMELY slow, lets not say him driving CRAWLING would be a better adjective..

Then, he passed by me WHILST looking at ME!!( inside i was like wtheck, haven seen ugly (wanted to say pretty but sure kena scold by you all).. hahaha.. girl before ar..) this is terrible..
I stare back at that fella.. controlling my fingers already.

Being extra alert of this AWFUL man, i walked and stoppe till he went pass me, yet.. he's still CRAWLING with his damn van!!.. then right, i took a left turn, ( on the way to subang carrefour) he took a further left turn and damn it, HE STOPPED and LOOKED at me AGAIN!!!.. i stopped as well,staring him in the eye, while thinking of what to do if he force me inside the van !Luckily, he was alone inside, so if he wanted to kidnap me or sth, he has to stop his car and do it!!.. Well, the distance was about 2metres height and 1.5feet away.. i think (I was on the higher ground) then he went off.. and i took his car plate down!

ARGHHH...whats so nice to look at.. i'm not wearing anything sexy.. i'm not those pretty girls who walks like a model.. so mad.. i

zhung zhi i mad lar... this kind of people.. so free.. hate that beardy man with those hamsap eyes!! again, he degraded other men!!..

UnGENTLE mans

aHHH...how could this ever be possible..

In an era where, man and women reaches equality..

Well..at least iN.. here!!!*(you know where i'm talking about)

So, i was on my way back using the train station. As usual, UNCIVILISED people barge in the coaches BLINDLY..and got me knocked from the side of the door, to the middle of the coach..WITHOUT A SIMPLE EXCUSE ME!!well.. its usual to me, so i wasn't really that pissed

Then, as i reach the station, i went to flag down a cab.. well. .. there were a few in the queue so i lined up and wait for my turn..weren't many taxis available, so we have to wait for quite sometime..

To my disgust, there's FOUR MAN .. that over took me and a woman in front of me without lining up..ahhhh.. that was unforgivable, the lady was obviously mad and furious as she complained to me in Chinese (Thank god i knew how to listen)... we stood there waited for 10minutes, these 4 man, came out from no where and took 4 cabs away..by jz lining up in front of us.. CUTTING QUEUE..

this is horrible

terrible

vegetable

even, i'm a girl, i won't

NEVER.. jump queue ok..

at least i ask permission

1st..

AND.. ITS 4 MAN

goodness sake..

what's wrong with them..

everyone lined up

behind me..

why cant dey

*KON CHU HUI SEI MEH*

felt like cursing..but

ish!!! man man..

i pity those man outside,

coz the FEW I WITNESS

jz degraded them!!

how TERRIBLE!!

I CANT IMAGINE!!!..such scenario can happen!!i was so furious..wanted to pick up a fight..but after second thoughts, they are all tall DARK.. and impolite MAN!!..so chose to step back!!arghhh..m so mad!!!

Now i know who lied...

How do you feel when someone told you they wanted to help you and hide everything from you?

What would you do when someone use names that weren't there..

Was it because of the timing?

How good does it feel being cheated?

Imagine all the white lies said...

Imagine all the pre-planned acts

And the cover lines (i'm good at it =p)

Well.. depending on the situation

But most of the time.. you felt betrayed!!!

And worst still... you find out from the mouth of others..

And now you know..who lied..

My new song!!

LOl..

boh Music

THE truth

Eh guys..

Actually.. i'm the one in REd.. (regarding previous post) hahahahah..so i'm at fault.. not ppl bully me...lolz.. past d lar.. jz wanna apologise oni..dun worri..michelle is still that crazy..WAIT did i rhyme dat sentence?? :)

You're jz not there

Many times, i'm in trouble
You said you'll be there for me
You called, you msged
You will come all the way.. if you're free

The reality is.. you're not here
You always said you are
But you were never here

When i was down
i don't tell you
Cause i know,
You wont be here...

Sorry..
For saying and promising you that i would be there
But i didn't

FOr that 1 year,
Its ashame that i made such a mistake
That is why you left me
That is why there's a distance..
That is why things changed...

Sorry

FREaKING HUGE LIZARDS

Whenever i encounter all this little bugs.. that cannot fly.. lizards spiders and stuff.. i'm brave and i'll never chicken out to kill or destroy or flattened them.. with my KUNGFU (clenches fists) i know i'm cruel but.. killing those creatures aren't something as sinful as killing a cat or human

Different from cockcroaches (flying ones) or things that have wings.. enabling them to fly and CHARGE... i'll take any insect spray killer, shieldtox or H2o.. any brands..whatever you call it..

i'LL spray..till it moves no more...and i'll throw them away..

This time.. i open up the window(kitchen) to take a plastic bag...so i opened it..and i SAW SOME FREAKING HUGE Thing climbed in.. at first.. i thought it was a monitor lizard which couldn't be true..as it is too small to be one

Then i look up, FCUK..its the fattest biggest lizard (a 7 inch times 2inch weighs bout 200grams) i'd ever seen in my entire 20years of living on earth... (NANA?...if you see that thing..you'll faint) My mama screamed for my daddy.. i stood there looking..

its huge ok..u see its small..but.. it is not a normal lizard size lizard..

compare with ur palm,its slightly longer from ur middle finger to the wrist

SERIOUS..i don't lie about sizes..

So daddy came and think of how to chase that ugly creature OUT of the house..

Not killing it. We are good citizens of nature.. hahahahaha.. bet you i AM..

So i took out a stick, and shieldtox..getting ready.. to destroy that alien..

DAD say..don't.. let me handle this.. i'll throw it outside k..no need to kill it

So michelle didn't manage to be a hero.. since cannot kill it, meaning it'll run around and fall..the most chicken thing michelle did?..HIDE lor..lolz

Dad the hero took a clothe..hit it down..catch it, and throw it outside.. (hmm.. i've got a new skill to learn..now i know how to protect NAna from lizards) Dad is the hero of the day..

YAY!!!...hmmm next time my turn!!!lolz.. realli huge lizard

Things happen

Sometimes when we are counting on our blessings and moving on in life,
Things happen, to what you've experience, isn't something you're prepared for and isn't something good

It takes a moment to adapt to the change
It takes courage to face it
It takes confidence to handle it
It takes tolerance to go through it

No matter how easy outsiders can say
Only those who are going through it
Those who are facing it feels the pain and the ache

Let this hold you back
Allow those feelings to put you inside your own world
At most ,for a day

You know, life goes on,
you know that this will be gone soon enough
So don't give up

You've got support from everyone
But 1st..you've gotta support yourself
Cause no one can help you

You tell ppl, you don't understand how i feel
You tell ppl, its me who's involve, you can say it easily,but nothing can be done

Did you realise, everything is up to your perception?
If you think you can you can
Its your thoughts that put you into misery
Not the problem
Its your brain that tests your self esteem
Not the problem

Try.. and think about it..
Think about what makes you sad
Not the problem
but yourself
yOU refuse to get over it, cause you said its impossible

Rmbr, nothing is impossible
tHE IMPOSSIBLE jz takes longer

It somehow struck me

It somehow struck me

i relate it to my past

i relate it to my present

i try to relate it to my future

Why it makes so much difference

when you're in a relationship

and when you're not

When there's two

You somehow understand each other

deeply

and its a synchronisation

When there's one

You suddenly felt you don't know

them anymore

and you realise

you actually don't understand them at all

No one has change

but the heart..

But how?

How would one think you

don't really understand them at all

One when confronted

You think you actually understand me???

Wel, i thought i do

And i was wrong

Things happen

And it struck me somehow

That, it isn't the understanding that

brought us together

but the love

That is why when we don't love

we don't understand

But when we love,

everything could be explained..

Ya..it somehow struck me

it was love that

masters all this

to hatred

to sacrifice

to giving

to sharing

to understand

to acceptance

to negligence

to tolerance

all..

from the word

LOVE!!!

ps: YAY.. maybe blogger read my request.. maybe they saw the post.. NOW THEY AUTO SAVE MY POST..hahaha.. cannot be displayed icon struck me no more, for BLOGGER.COM has add their functions..AUTOSAVE!!!muax..love blogger..

RM1 Secrets, Convenient Food& Drinks kiosk

OH NO!!! I'M FREAKING HUNGRY AND

I HAVE ONLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE CLASS

STARTS.

WHere can i get food?

try get some bread in 7 eleven

but i don't want to spend so much on a bread..

it'll cost me more than 1 buck

aiyo.. there's this bread that cost RM0.50 cheap what

but.. its so dry and not filling enough

sampat nya... you starve to death la you

*blinks blinks*

Many of us, especially in the morning, or rushing for class,

have no time to eat

and wanted something feeling

and not expensive

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH RM 1

This stall is next to KOPITIAM subang jaya ( tbs row)

Its a small outlet.. you need to be observant to spot it

And everything in it is ONI AT RM1 EACH

YOU TELL ME..MANA MAU CARI..

ITS FAST, AND CONVENIENT..

SEBEAB SUDAH SEDIA PUNYA

CAN TAKE AWAY OR DINE IN

Things on sale:

Tong sui range from bubur cha char to luk tou sa

Nasi Lemak( sedap sehingga menjilat jari)

Juices to milo, nescafe

Chow kuey teow, chow fan,chow min, chow mei fun

porridge (Freaking tasty) and its still warm..

AND STILL EXPANDING ( the food choices)

veN BEE Deciding which to eat..

after she ate CHUK(porridge) and nasi lemak..

BILL?? RM2..

Nixon's fourth meal,

Nasi Lemak

Porridge

Tong sui

and chow kuey teow

My porridge..yummy



My nasi lemak, habis d..

If you think its a small portion??..hmm
try it out..
for me, i'd never tried eating full with RM2..
AT LEAST nt roti canai and NOT in
Subang lar..

An idea from Taylor's (nOT BUSINESS SCHOOL) students

its not bad at all..

RM1 wo.. tong sui wor..

the portion is worth for RM1

It'l be my new budget place..

makan here..

minum here.

chat here..

not bad lar here..

INGAT.. SEBELAH KOPITIAM (Subang Jaya..tbs school)

SAJE,

TRY IT OUT..

ITS NOT TASTY TILL CAN WIN AWARDS

BUT ITS DEFINITELY

WORTH IT FOR RM1..

The battle is over

This is the 1st time in many years, i'd been so slacking

I had an assignment due today 0900..

Planning to start on Friday, was basically online for the next three days for almost 24 hrs.. but only start typing at 1000plus pm sunday 13 May 2007. 2500 WORDS to complete.. i took more than 9hrs, ( with 3hours break in the middle, slacking away) and finish my essay for Management

Reach college around 0815am. Rushed to the library to do final touch ups, printed it out as hard copy, and getting ready to submit online, only got to know, UNISA net server down!! WTF...hahahaha.. i so kan cheong..1st 6 trials, i cant log in to the UNISA net.. afta many attempts, finally got into the server, loggin in to Assign IT, then attached a file..suddenly..die lor, submit halfway the windows hanged.. HOW HOW HOW?.. praying hard.. i try to open another window, finally.. it went through. I was so happy i hugged bendenitta.( hope i got her name right) hahaha..she was concerned bout my status as well. Hmmm..good friends huh????

I myself couldn't imagine i can slack so much for my assignment especially when i already got a bad grade for my previous assignment, vowing to score HD for Management, i somehow foresee i'll flunk this assignment as well.

Now i'm home, was at college only for an hour.. got vernon to get me home..cause didn't sleep whole night.. that is why skipped lecture and replacement class.. m changing into someone really notty...who can save me!! but myself...ahhhhh this is nonsense.. its so unethical, yet m doing it..

This cannot happen anymore..oh gosh..what is wrong with me.. i need HDs, but m not having the attitude to work for it.. ITS TIME FOR A TREMENDOUS CHANGE!!

My 1st time...

Today, i got back my MANAGEMENT assignment 1

It was really a mix feeling, e1 is getting their assignments, where's mine?

When my name is called..

I took a deep breath and visualize the worst scenario

And when i sat down, my lecturers first sentence was

Ngo ku ng tou lei wui zhou tou kam cha
( i didn't expect that you would perform this bad)

Stunned and quiet.. i took my paper and went back to my seat..

Now, i have to
work MUCH harder to go for my dream..to do my honours in Australia.. VERY MUCH HARDER..

-total sadness- but.. m gaining power to redeem myself..

Honestly

As time passes, i doubted myself more than i used to.
Most of the time i think i'd done the best i could.
Most of the time i think i'd did more than what i deserve
Most of the time i think i cheer people up
Most of the time i think i'd helped people
Most of the time i think i'd been a great motivation speaker
Most of the time, i think i'm the most matured
Most of the time, i think i knew it all

NOw?..
Now i think i'd not done my best, for i could be better
nOW i think, i don't deserve what i get, with what i'd done
Now i think i'd nt cheered people up, but hurting them
Now i think i'd not helped anyone before
NOw i think, i'm not much a motivation speaker, i talk more then i listen
Now I Think, i'm the least matured
Now i think, i know nothing at all

Losing friends, hurting them.

What has cause this to occur? ..
Am i that hard to tolerate?
Am i that terrible in my attitude?..
Or i'm bias for i treat different people with different attitude?
Am i being fake for at every different occasion i act differently?..
Or i'm very hard to predict, cause i always change my words..
I can't be trusted can i?
I talk too much do i?
I can't accept criticism?

I always convince people of something i'm not.. although in my heart, i am
I am very thick face, for i won't accept any criticisms on the spot. I never admit things..
I can't accept people's thoughts, for its always absurd to me..

Of all questions that i mention, most of them its affirmative, i myself admit. But again, why m i not changing, i need someone to consistently remind me of my bads, with the tolerance of me denying, and only admitting it later on.

Sigh, if anyone of you reading this, i seriously need an honest comment about myself. pLease feel free to drop a comment, or mail me.. or tag me, or im me.. i'l usually defend myself, but i'll also apologise sometime later.. please lend a hand. I need to know, if i'm really that TERRIBLE..

thanks

Stupid Internet

I wasted an hour typing my recent post.. when i click publish, it wrote, page cannot be displayed..sharks.. doot doot doot doot.. waste my effort..ahhhh..if only blogspot can come out an auto save service like GOogle.. it'll then be great.. whoalaaaa..

Team Hoyt

When i got this link from my sister. I was listening to it, and i cried all the way watching this..

This shows what parents do, no matter how their children are.. and shall we then be more contented and appreciate, for we are born being well and healthy. Don't complain



more when you visit this link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI

Especially for you

I met this girl i knew from Foundation last year. She was a hard core.. YUP!! hard core girl who is always loud with very hilarious expressions.. qUite dramatic as well.. to me, she's my competitor. Cause we are the same. More towards a not so close but quite close friend? ( what am i talking) we might not have the click, but we do share having emotional talks when she drops me off at ktm everytime (thanks for the offer, really appreciate it) well, frankly speaking, we weren't really close, and there are certain characters between us that is totally opposites, therefore, we don't really bond that much.

However, since we graduated from Foundation, we'd never met. Things happen in a second, what's more it has been months since we left. I met her again today.. still that bubbly, slightly darker than what she usually is. (syiok lar..go perhentian and all) but she told me one thing that gave me a shock ya.. a real good shock

Its glad to hear she's recovering from it ya.. although i'm not her best friend, neither am i her close friend.. but it does hurt me to see her like this. I would love to dedicate this song to her, ensuring her to be stronger than before, and although we are not close, but as a friend i'll always be there for her.

Remember, one should be strong, and don't think so much.. it is addictive, you have to occupy your time, be busy, focus on something else.. and stay happy.. I don't know what i can do, i only hope she'll recover asap. I don't want to judge, for its unfair for her. I can only say, the things she went through wasn't easy, and don't try to judge her, for we'll never understand. The best thing we could do is support her. All the best, and i hope to see you back again,better than what the past had affected you. I love this song, hope you love it too

I've survived
So many things
From broken hearts
To shattered dreams
In every wall
I've found an open door

I'd miss a step
I'd learn to dance
Come back again
With half a chance
Stronger than before

There were times
I couldn't see
Beyond the blue
Inside of me
A thousand miles away from shore

But every moment
Every day
With every step
I find my way
Stronger than before

I believe in miracles
I believe in dreams
Through the pain
I've come to know
How far the heart can reach

A spark of hope
In sorrows place
Will shineWith such amazing grace
Stronger than before

I believe in miracles
I believe in dreams
Through the pain
I've come to know
How far the heart can reach

A spark of hope
In sorrows place
Will shine
With such amazing grace

Stronger than before
Stronger than before
Stronger than before
Stronger than before

I'm Sorry

Joshua??

I'm really sorry for what happened today,

I was on my way out, i start the car already

when the stomache came,

I was unable to leave the toilet bowl for the last 30minutes, therefore,

I called you last minute and say i can't go

The worst is,

You didn't go as well

I know its a big event, i wanted to go as well,

I was all excited

But..

Because of me?.. we both didn't make it

I hope there's something i can do to make it up to you.

Anything

So sorry..

Please forgive me..

I felt bad

I dislike the feeling

I hurt my closest buddy i had in my foundation

Hengdai??

Sorry

my hearts' its actually sinking.. and i felt like being in klcc than at home

Opportunity Missed

Hmmm... i'd put much effort to create an opportunity. Then, this little opportunity led me to another opportunity which is to attend the forum in Hong Kong( where we'll be doing presentations, debates, attend seminars, visit firms..) . Great exposure, great experience

Its a lifetime experience, and only 5 were prioritize, that also we are choosing four to attend only. When the opportunity came, due to certain factors, financially and without parents blessings. I missed the chance. Angry i am.. sad i am..

I know, chances come only once a lifetime, and if you don't grab the chance( dahla.. created the chance) you'll loose the chance.

I hope there's a better offset to compensate my feelings not being able go.

Sigh.. the moment i think back.. i feel like crying wer.. how??.. needed some time

What do you know>??

Sigh... when everyone complains about their life, how not satisfied they are, how good can they be, how are those things restricting them from doing what they want...

To me, this is total RUBBISH, ABSURD,NONSENSE..

As humans, we are always, given the choice the option to where we would lead our life to.

Most of us, complaining day and night about how their parents treat them, how their siblings treat them, how their friends treat them so on and so forth.

I'm someone who questions myself alot. Before you set an expectation on people, before you set a benchmark on how good people should treat you, before you start even comparing other's people life with yours. Have you ask yourself, what have you contributed since you know how to think?.. what have you done, to make someone around you smile?.. what have you done to earn back the love from others.. isn't this a great thought?

Many came to me and said, michelle?? you're different, you're lucky, you've got scholarship, your parents don't restrict you, your sister is a wonderful motivation. You can say all you want michelle, but you won't understand, you've not gone through what i had! Who are you to tell me to go for my dreams, who are you to tell me i have no rights to complain condemn and criticize? You think you're really someone that is .. you know.. so intelligent. LOok at yourself. You've got nothing than your stupid mouth. (of course, its a little over-elaborated)

But, i find it true, i'm no one to tell others what to do. But i've got rights to tell myself what to do. If you're not able to do what you wanna do? How are you able to get someone to do things you want them to do?.. None have asked, what i went through to get all i have this moment. I worked to earn my own new Colour phone in yr 2005. Who bought you your handphone?.. I worked to earn myself a diving course in Lang Tengah. Who paid your trips??..

I made effort to get what i want. I show desire, i show capability, i wanna prove that its worth me getting. And yet, all we see its end result. You say, whoa.. michelle you're so lucky, you always get what you want. Want to know why? I never complain when i don't get it (Do i?)..

I'm not someone who's perfect. There are many things, millions zillions of things that i don't know bout. I'm egoistic, i talk too much, i can't sit still, i'm lazy. I have my bads, but i don't let my bads restrict me from getting what i want. Not now? .. Fine.. later.. but i must get it..

Sigh.. i've much to write, but it'll be boring.. i felt bored already.. Its about being contented i believe. Its about counting the blessings, its about the neccessity to LIE. The moment you lie, you'll create another lie to cover the previous lie, and you'll never stop lying, and you have to carry the guilt and fear of being discovered.

Want it? DOne it? Admit it. Its life. Why would you want to trouble yourself to do things and lie about it, if you're forbidden to do it?.. Ask yourself.. i'm asking myself to. Sigh.. dilemma!!!