I hate me now.

Why am i being so fickled minded.

Why am I always rushing to do things, following my heart and then regretting it.

Why in this world am I having such kind of character

Gosh. I gotta tune myself back. How can i be angry and then forgive jz immediately..but be angry again

I think my subconscious mine is going haywire. I am having personality split.

One moment, i'd so many questions that influenced myself to say yes.. i should be angry
one moment, i'd reasoned out why and influenced myself to say no, its not their fault

And that all happens in minutes

I gotta find out the solution. Any body? HELP?

TWCS dinner

Left house bout 6a took NPE ( heard they're raising the toll rate to RM2 - hell, how am I gonna use that route)

And there's a bout like 40 plus of us, we had a great dinner (except for the dessert and the main course- which took way lots of effort to chew them all up!)

San Fransisco Steakhouse was filled with industry partners, scholars and taylor's staffs.

All of the fun, sharing of internship experience, advices from the industry partners and also the staff themselves are all priceless.

Here.. finally let michelle's blog get beautified with FINALLY SOME PICTURES..

That's us and the scholarship team from taylors

There's 3 batches of scholars from 2006-2008

Where are all the guys you must be thinking? Nah, they are busy handling partners (guys are better off socializing, girls? camwhoring of course)


There you go a group picture with everyone

Its nice getting to know people who are all rounders, when you stop talking, you observe, and when you observe you learn.

You don't learn by talking, you learn by observing.
Trust me on that.
Try it.. and you'll see why I said so!!

Blast blast blast
dinner was a blast
laugher jokes, serious conversations..
and of course
seeing friends after what 3months long
and some that I'd seldom talked to?
Its nice to be back in college

This year? lets make a difference
UNI HERE I COME =D

Never trust weighing machines anymore

And I'd been constantly weighing myself lately as I am on the route to.. ahem *coughs* eliminate some of my "muscle turned fats" ...

So I'd been on a not healthy diet, eating less... and as I weigh on my own scale

fuh!!turun dua kg..

NOPE.. don't dream of me disclosing my current weight. its secret. But I bet you guys can guess. But I am not here to comment bout my weight..

Anyway.. went to do a medical check up as I will be off to a camp for a week in march.

You must be wondering what camp so "par pai" need do check up, even NS also I can skip... lol!!!

Its outward bound school in lumut.. bet you have heard about it.. if not? just google :D

Anyway.. doctor weighed me and

(^&(*&^%(^)(#^&*(%^*(#&^%()*&^()*&()^*(%)*(&)&%$^%$#@%)&^%$%*()

That's all I have to say. Owh and one more comment. Home weighing scale sucks.. they make you happy, and they make you sad.

Wait .. maybe cause I just ate... that is why my weight didn't change at all. But what

heavier? OMG.. I need to KAM FEEEIIIIII...... next week next week..

anyway, doctor consoled me saying "don't worry, you've got the HEIGHT to HIDE"

now the doctor also can ryhme like me.. aih!!!! nu ren juie tung ..

Sakitnya hati.. anyway.. tonight going off for taylor's dinner at san fransisco steakhouse.. takut jam lagi..

Sleep awhile first.. and maybe an episode of si lai gu san :P

Toodles people..

And oh, this time? I GUESS I'VE COMPLETELY RECOVERED, lost a lover, gained a lesson and also a good friend ;) don't ask me who. you'll know if I want to tell you!!

wakakakakaa

Signing off,

Michelle the poet (claimed yee wah- wei.. study hard wei... ganbate rmbr tell yourself what you want)

A poem

I think its better to know your things at hand
Then everything can be planned and manipulated

Things had gotten better,
Its just a matter of intention
Whether you want it or not..

I know its words again! But that's what my blog is all about.. bored lame poems lol

Feeling Life

Little birds chirping loudly on the trees

Calling for their mum that feeds

A gust of wind came, an agent of transporting seeds,

And what I witness, is a snow of falling leaves

Sat on a wooden bench

Facing the lake where couples on boats frenched

Lovey dovey as they seem

We'll not know if there is problem within

What seen by the naked eye

Made humans judge instantly as things passes by,

For once in that park,

alone where the soul searches inside, through the dark.

Discover the purpose of one's truself

living in this world, chasing for love, health and wealth

As bright as we think we are,

failures are the best lessons so far.

In the serenity of the greeneries

Captured the breaths taken away by the sceneries,

The mind relaxes to join the tranquility

That moment you felt, peace found being solitary

A hit in the head,

Flashes thru, pictures in the past like a story, said.

You see yourself in the picture

You wonder why you acted as such, confused for sure.

But you know those days are over

Back you are in the park acknoledging memories are forever

You stand, inhaling the cold breeze

Took a step forward, moving ahead leaving the past unfreeze

Not to live in the past

But to learn and change hoping that makes the future last

Unfreezing the lessons,

turns charcoal into diamonds

You as a charcoal,

Going thru life, working towards your goal

years of chemical reaction, change and with nature as a catalyst

Life becomes fulfilled and colourful like a stage with overwhelming audience to a performer, an artist.

ROACHES ARE MY BIGGEST FEAR

NAME: COCKROACH AKA SIU KEONG
HABITAT: DIRTY PLACES

SIZE: approximately 3-6 cm in length and width of 1.5cm

SUPERPOWER: FLYING TOWARDS HARMLESS HUMANS

STINKY

LONG LEGS AND ANTELIARS

MY EXPERIENCE WITH ROACHES:

I was always afraid of things that can fly (no not aeroplane, not birds)

especially if they are heading towards me

Years back, I had flying experience with roaches which ended on my hair twice

(which is also why i decided to keep my hair short)

and i can still recall its buzzing sound as if it has just happened.

BERITA TERKINI:

Pada malam yang sejuk, hujan kedengaran kuat di luar rumah, tingkap dibuka untuk ventilation.

(can i have it in english?)

The ever strong, beautiful (ahem ahem.. *coughs*) rough and big sized michelle,

with her daily routine chatting with yee wah with her never ending sad stories online

while spamming people's blog

She somehow realised something is crawling on the bed behind her back

she turned to witness a HUGE COCKCROACH

with WINGS

ON HER PILLOW

On the mission to eliminate the enemy,

she called the headquarters for help ( no response from the masterbedroom)

then she called the Lieutenant (her sister for help)

here's how it went:

MICH: JIEEEEE~!!!! HELP ME.. COCKCROACH

JIE: (half asleep).. WHAT ROACH? PUYAO LA.. M SLEEPING (i know she scared)

MICH: OI WOMAN, DON'T SO SELFISH CAN A NOT..SAVE ME ITS ON MY PILLOWWWWW

FASTER

JIE: AIYO..SENDIRI KAO TIM LA.. COCKCROACHES FLY YOU KNOW.. THEY WILL FLY AWAY.. (BETTER THAN FLY TO ME)

MICH: OIII YOU CANNOT SO SELFISH ONE LO, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE YOUR SISTER ALONE TO HANDLE WITH THE ROACH HERSELF. COME OUT AND HELP

*DOOR CLICKS OPEN*

JIE: SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID I SLEPT

MICH: COME OUT AND HELP ME LA.. PLEASEEEEEE ITS GONNA SHIT ON MY PILLOW..

JIE: YA..AND LAY EGGS TOO

MICH: WOII FAI TIT

Then we started throwing the ridsect bottle to each other.. telling them "you go la" no la you go la

aiyo you go la like that..

So the cockcroach explored my pillow..moving down to the bed

MICH (SCREAMING AWAY) omg... faster (pushes sis inside the room)

from afar, she sprayed the cockcroach

bukannya sampai pun..

but the MR.ROACH FELT THE STINKING BOMB

IT MOVES IT WINGS AND STARTED TO FLY.. towards us, then backwards

Something else flew at the same time. My sister flying to me , screaming and I screamed too.

So we saw MR.ROACH ze spy, struggling with the stinking bomb, flapping its wings, up down up down.. it tried to hang on the wall, but kept falling , couldn't fly finally it fell behind the bed.

I looked at my sister thinking whether she thinks that MR ROACH is certified or not.

JIE: YOU GO CHECK AND SEE

MICH (swallows hard) took the ridsect and walk towards the room to the bed,

jie followed behind..

she said i pull the bed you see k?

I went inside and peep

She took up the matress and screamed

Without knowing what happened I screamed too and ran out of the room with her

MICH: WHAT WHAT?

JIE: ITS UNDER THE BED

MICH: HOW COULD IT BE..

JIE: SERIOUS YOU GO SEE

MICH: NO LO YOU GO SEE LA

*door clicks*

General (muM): WOIII APA NI, I THOUGHT ITS ALREADY MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP, WHY SO NOISY

JIE N ME: GOT COCKCROACH

General (Mum): Please la.. malam malam buta scream like that people thought what.. I want to sleep tomorrow have to work you know?

JIE AND MICH: But.. COCKCROACHES FLYYYYY

General (Mum): cOCKCROACH ONLY MA..

*door slammed behind*

So without asking, me and sis went to check out MR.ROACH AGAIN..this time prepared

We laughed at each other, to release the tension

Then went back into the room...

She spotted the roach upside down moving..

I quickly sprayed another time, incase it attacks with its superpower again

Now 2ominutes later, its still moving

and i'm having that kinda psychological trauma

made my body so itchy omg

hate cockcroaches

if they don't fly, if they are on the ground i'm fine with it

i can even matikan dia

but its on my pillow, if i shake it off

THEY'LL FLY..

that explains the reason why i'm so chicken.

Forgiven right?

DEAD

look at its anteliars.. super long can... omg .. so disgusting

N i'm sleeping over at my sister's room tonight, and I already dump the infected pillow into the rubbish bin, and I think i will not ever let the window terbuka like this again. And i love ridsect for saving my life

Anyway, the roach got me out of the emo-ish environment. at least that moment i totally forgot that i'm emo-ing. At least now the heartache is gone (temporarily) but yea.. thanks mr.roach, though i didn't repay.. but to kill you instead.

Thank you all.

Well, you don't need a wise 50-60 yr old human, who'd gone through alot to give you advices, to provide wisdom to give comfort and listen to you when you're all down and upset

Anyone could cheer you up, could give advices.. a one year old, a 15year old, its whether you want to listen or not...

Of course, my elder sister is the gift, she knew me much better (and i'm so alike her) she knwe so much about me, we shared so much with each other, no secrets, and she knew the moment when I put up so strong in front, means I'm really weak inside.. she was there for me always

I'd just realised that Yee Wah , my newly wedded (batu) wife had been the greatest gift. She was there to support when I'm doing things I wasn't encouraged to, and she was there to provide love when I failed and came back to her upset and devastated.

She had knew me so well, so well, that I feel bad.. for not appreciating her enough..

I felt that, I'd been ignoring alot of people around me, whom cared for me so much! So much

Shien Jean, a 20year old girl i kenw for bout 4-5years, not very close... but she had enlightened me today .. about love ( and just when i thought i knew it all) ... well certain things we do know but its just hidden somewhere in the brain, and a third party needs to knock it out of ya head to give you that " ya, i know kinda feeling"

Both of them definitely put a smile on my face... although still buried within the pain and sadness..

My best valentine's wish was from Lai Shan, she told me, " you're definitely not going to lose me for sure" made me teared..

Queen has always been the wise one always, although lost at times... but her unbelievable quotes really cracks me all the time.. all the time

Tsae Yun, although she always tease me and I always scold her ( omg, she say one lor, i don't think so this is true) but when I needed someone, she's there to comfort me.. and always telling me to trust her more.

Xin Yee, Fong and Mei Yan had always been supportive, we have done so many things together, almost 9 years to date, and we'd been closer each day.. though I seldom join they all.. but the bond is always there..though secrets we seldom share, but definitely when in need, we'll always be there for each other. through and through

There are lots more to mentioned,

My dear sis linda, had always been giving advices I'd never listened. But never failed to back me up when I am completely lost... though she's naughty at times, and though we don't talk much, cause she banyak itu batu punya.. but just love her. i just love her



My bunch of guy friends, though always blur..but they are those who can crack lame jokes and kill me instantly by their level of sarcarsm.

Carmen, Janice Tan, Jan Yap had also been giving alot to me.. showing love.. although we crap most of the time .. my bestie and my two pet sisters..

Ching Yee, one uni mate, that always drives me crazy, but always forgiven.. she's the kindest of all, followed by silly samantha.. they are both now in aussie, and i'll miss em badly..

Names above nt in order, just incase you misunderstood ur rankings.. :D

These days will go (sad days) and those days will come (happy days) things just come and go, the ups and downs will make us grow.. i missed everyone.. so much! And through the downfalls I learn who had always been there for me, I'd learned to discover myself even better

i'd learnt to appreciate things in front of my eyes. even things that are gone..

I'd kept this sms with me for 3months.. and I think its the one thing i really appreciate.

Dated 2 december 2008

darl, suddenly i felt like my world is like being brighten

felt like you'll always be there for me through and through

fel like i'll not have to worry

felt like there's nothing to be afraid of

it just gave me strength and courage.

And i hope i really did..thanks for such a wonderful moment.. thank you so much

Tagged by sandra OH

1. What are you currently reading?

2. What are your favourite books?
Follow your heart by Andrew Matthew

Tuesday's with morrie by Mitch Albom

3. What are your favourite movies?

World Trade Centre, Finding Nemo, Happy Feet, The Shutter ( Horror, Comedy or Sentimental)

4. What is your favourite snack?

Tit-Bits, anything, meat? lol

5. What is your type of tea?

Jasmine tea hot
6. Where do you mostly find your photo-loves?

apa ini?...
7. What is more intense to you - pictures or words?

Words but pictures gimme a sense of longing..

8. Would you rather be an artist or a writer?

Artist in terms of acting and performing (yes) writer in terms of crap and releasing stress (yes)

9. What are your favorite magazines?

DOn't buy magz

10. Which program do you make your collages?

Don't do them.

11. If you could live any where you wanted to right now, where would it be?

A place where close to nature, peaceful and quiet

12. What is your favorite(s) flower(s)?

No specific ones perhaps never gotten a flower that's why

13. What perfume do you use?
NOt using any.

14. What is your favorite accessory?

Ipod touch

15. Where are your favourite places to shop?

Places where they have the things i WANT

16. What is your personal style?

Nothing feminine lol

17. What does your wardrobe consist of?

PLenty of clothes that I no longer fit in

18. What is your favourite beauty product?

Natural beauty lol

19. What is your favourite kind of shoe?

Currently? Canvas shoes

20. Finally, complete the following sentence. I dream of…traveling all over the world, inspiring little children to dare dream about what they want, and go for it.

And plenty plenty more.. that I BECOME UNFOCUSED most of the time

Genting fun to tragedy to fun

so i thought i would enjoy my trip today!till some busuk hati orang took my 145cash n my concert tickets away when i wasn't paying attention on my envelope which i put on my lap!didn't i noticed it slipped.moments later i realuse it was gone!!!!mad am i!!went to lodge police report!manage to claim room.ticket wise to know later but according to authorities, ican still go tothe concert!!sadly i can't reprint my ticket!!!that is so strssing me up!!since my dear friends so tired due to clubbing last night...m here all alone in starbucks having hot choc with. my ipod BLOGGING...thank god it's here to accompany me...bad day or nt i dunno!!friends sleeping...m bored!!going theme park alone later!!!sigh..i lost 145bucks...hate that busuk hati orang..but hope it will "por choi tong choi"