I am always being afraid to change because i fear of words.. because i'd always promised people that i will care for them, for the rest of my life and etc.. and i meant it. I commit myself to it, and i even walk the talk.

But as time goes by, environments change, people change. So i wonder if i should too. If i change, would you people say i did not keep my words? I'm in a dilemma

Why am i giving in still, when there isnt a need anymore. Its like paying over a cup of coffee that you did not order, or paying for a rotten pack of rice you'd just ta-paoed.

Its not that i'm unwilling to, but sometimes you get tired of things. No matter how much you cared about, and how willing you are... sometimes it doesn't really matter eii.

Of course people have not changed.. some claimed.. but towards certain people, hell you did..wkakakakaa.. Nevermind.. i'm just wasting my time here so i could calm myself down and act normal again. I guess sometimes patching up my life is better then patching up friendships.
Cause when people don't need you, and you still wanna care, like my sis say, selling a fridge to eskimos. or a floppy disk in today's era (she's good i tell you)

hahahahaha
Move on dude. Life has never been better, and it had never gone worst. You've gotta hit yourself in the head that its not worth it anymore. (i'd been telling myself for years and still i'm not done with it)

But i can say, i think its still worthy doing all this. Because i appreciate you. You who was once there for me, you who once cared for me like a sister, like a best friend. Last time, if i'm not ok, your name appears on my phone screen immediately... last time, when i am unhappy, you would know, and be there for me. Now? A few messages bore you.. and the focus has shifted. Hahahaha.. but it doesn't change what has happen in the past.. It was given to me and i treasure it... till now

I guess its time for me to focus on those who has been waiting for me, for years. I think they deserve something from me. Change is inevitable but it can be prolonged

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Subang's flashers are tall, dark, but not handsome and have a bad taste on briefs they are wearing

Today, i went for a meeting, then rushing down to ktm station to take public transport home..

Somemore in the rain, lagi walk faster..


There's this black wira.. i forgot the car plate, followed from behind and overtook me. So i thought..hmmm it would be ok..


HAHAHAH

so i had one more junction to pass before i reach the main road (opposite carefour subang) i took a left look to watch for cars before crossing then right.. then i saw the wira.. then the man with his jeans down.. WHITE BRIEFS hanging halfway (i think he din wash properly cause it looked as if ... like beribu tahun tak cuci) hahahaha.. and he was holding his little brother (i think so, cause i can't really see, his hands covered the hold thing, and that means its small??lol) hahahaha..

OBVIOUSLY he's a flasher right? HAHAHA.. but i did not know, when i saw the first moment, i tot he was aiming for the longkang to urine labut within 0.00033 seconds, i saw his hands rubbing against his little brother. Weeeeee... flasher.. hahaha.. i glanced away and walked pass him. Nope.. i din scream..nope i din run..

I suppose he expected me to scream or to hide my face or to run fast fast. But cause i'm missing my train and that I never thought of it at 1st.. so i just SELAMBA-LY walked away.. waakakakaka.. then i looked back, he reverse and chao-ed the other way...

Hmmm, now i kept thinking what's his intention? If i scream wil it make him excited? or he just wants me to look at him masturbating his tiny winy brother.. Hahahahaha... and i don't like his undies.. its like.. eewwwww... owh.. i rmbr seeing some black bushy thing aso.. ok..too much info

You see, guys are such terrible BEINGs.. for heavens sake, get a porn go chow kit ke, drive halfway also wanna flash. Dahla tak handsome. dahla kecik..

Lol.. and i was thinking if i show him my middle finger, would he run over and rape me?..
Maybe i should have laughed at him instead? or.. i should have run towards him like i wanna dup him.. hahahaha..

Anyway.. that wasn't the 1st time i saw man masturbating in public. hahahaha..but he's definitely the 1st chinese guy.. lol.. and he dedicated it to me, whoa..

Kla, enuf of blue-ish matters..

signing off..

i felt like hugging her

I saw her sitting while revising on her table, she'll be having her a-levels exam next week, i looked at her from afar, she look fair, with big brown eyes, and fantastic complexion. She'd got tears in her eyes.

I was paying attention to her for quite sometime, the air conditioner is so cold, that she needs a blanket to cover herself up. Looking at the packet of rice located right infront of her, i assumed she hadn't eaten.

I guess it was a big blow for her.. she looked so tensed. Looking at her back as i leave, that moment in time, i feel like hugging her from behind, telling her everything is going to be alright and she must stay strong to overcome the hurdle ahead...

It is somehow strange, I felt her pain too.

Girl? You can do this, stay strong ya. Focus on your exam, but don't force yourself too much. I'll be praying for you...you must take care ... must...

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Many times in a day,

Things happen and it reminds you seconds in the past...

One moment you missed that feeling

One moment you are glad its over..

For me, I'm so grateful that I once owned those moments

I was startled seeing this cliche,

Why be sad over what you'd lost

But not being happy that you once cherished

Bla bla blaaaa...

Finally its all over..

If i didn't want to move on.. I can't

That was why i'm stuck at a dead end,

blinded by haze caused by the fire i created..

years past.. i thought i'm still stucked

everything is so blurry

dark..

one day, i saw a dimmed light in the midst of the hazy environment

i approached the light

having my hands feeling the front

as i couldn't see

There i found,

a small hole at a window, i never knew existed

it was there all the while

a window, there for years

as i open the window, i found the sunny weather with

fresh air i'd been longing for..

this was the beauty i'd missed all this years?

i chuckled.. as i looked back to the space behind me

the haze escaped through the window

i start to see what had been surrounding me

so clearly..

i looked back to the window and

take a deep breath

i realise i'm free..

most of the time the chance is given to me

i'd not even tried letting go

i thought i deserve to be locked in that room

i never want to be out of that room

Now that its over

i should be out of the box..

out of that room

and i'll put a door to the room

and cleans up the mess in it

Things had changed

I'd been ignorant

in the state of denial

and never again ...

toods past

welcome future

i'm free

Music touches my heart

I think i'm a very EMO-tional person.. ( can we have something new please...!!!!)

well, i tend to listen to music and can feel if someone really sang for it with heart or not.. even if its kenny g.. the notes he BLOWED.. can hit me .. right to the head and my feelings seem to flow towards the songs.. be it a normal (sentimental) song, or instrumental songs, or christian songs.. they are amazing .. the beats the notes.. the lyrics.. wow...

Just heard silhoutte by kenny g.. its fantastic.. ish.. so sad now..lol.. my heart.. it feels like i'm in love again.. again?? HAHAHAHA.. i felt alive.. weeeeee..

nothing much..just wanna update..but not pictures.. soon soon will be very busy.. owh.. and today i somehow feel that, even i try communicating, ppl sometimes do feel intimidated as if i wanna lan lek ( act smart) ... when my intention was just trying to find common grounds.. weeee..sadddddddd.. but its ok.. it jz indicates that.. its a cycle.. things go from expansion, to contraction to recession to recovery.. hahaha.. finance u noe?... but it is also applicable to real life situations!!wkakakaa

Mr. Stereotype Lecturer

I reached college early today and I thought I could locate one of my lecturers to discuss some club issues. As a approached her staffroom, and had a look at her timetable (which was an old one, and worst that i did not notice) I tried knocking at her door to see if there's a reply.

There came this mr.stereotype who *applauses* obtained a doctorate and we shall now claim him Dr.Stereotype, coming from my back and saying that she's not around. Being polite, i tried re-affirming his sentence by asking oh really?..thanks!

In awe.. He start telling me
"You students please read the timetable before barging into the office looking for lecturers and then complain that we are not around and difficult to be LOCATED"... You students are so terrible..

its more to like reading cause its as if that few sentences was stuck in his head for years (as it went fluent, i suppose he had got this complaint from the evaluation form that students submitted at the end of every semester)

I stood there, shocked at his comments.. and the 1st question popped into my head was when the hell did i step on his tail. I don't even know him!!... quoted by my friend, guess he had PMS .. hahahaha..

Anyway.. he totally ruined my 1st impression towards him.. somehow.. i feel like stereotyping too.. are all doctorates like that?.. i suppose being highly educated does not guarantee one's politeness and openness. Stereotyping that this ph.d graduates should be more analytical, open minded and have good control on emotions (not simply lashing out at people throwing tantrums at people just because his wife kick him out of the room the night before * - assumption)

I guess i was wrong.

Conclusion? No matter how highly educated you are, it doesn't really matter. Because, if your attitude sucks.. you are still consider shallow and DO NOT DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED.

Arghhh.. i'm mad!!!