What had i missed

Just now, just a few minutes ago, i was going through my 122 testimonials, now 121 of them.. (yes, i know, its not ALOT,but..well..i'm ok with it) i realise i'd missed alot alot of people that took part in my life once back! Maybe its July Friday the 13TH.. that's why i get A LITTLE emo-ish now...

How many friends have i neglected in my secondary school life?Countless, as many friends that i have, i'd never thought of appreciating them the best way i could. I abandoned them. I chose to see who i want to see, and only treat those whom i think i cared most and cared me most the best. Things change, as the saying goes, fung sui lun lao juin. When i was blinded, i couldn't see, when i fall and climbed up, i know, who actually gave me more.

It definitely was a mistake making decisions to let go of the past.. you know, things weren't that bad after all, if i didn't create a big fuss all over it. Maybe i didn't know how to appreciate friends, and that i lost, one, and another and another again, the 3rd was my last..and i realise i had enough.. Losing and letting go the friendship is not something done easily. It took the courage and the pain and the will and the determination.

Wasn't my fate to have a best friend, only 3months..it lasted only just 3months, and it is all over. Was it me who changed? Or was it me who expected more and expecting more as well. If it was someone else, would i be bothered? Good question..

Sigh..now that all has ended, each lead their own life. I've gave what i could and mutual effort doesn't seem to be visible then, letting go would be the best alternative. hell, i'm not the only one.. of the besties she had.. who am i?..who am i?... i knew i would cry uttering this words, last time, and always. but now? It just hit me..and i took a relief..

There were this people out there who aided and comforted me, Yee Wah, Queen and Lisa n TYun, when i'm down.. Chris ( in australia) also helped.. the past was, a disaster, and i'd survived that. NOw.. i would say ..WOW..not bad.. ;)

Am i too hard to tolerate? Was it my mistake for making things happen? I'm a straight-forward person.. and maybe its wrong. People say, try harder ...i shouldn't complain but.. you feel tired trying. You know there's no point..no meaning to all the effort. Its from her eyes you can see, you can see that its dead.. long time ago, that she's tired of trying.

Days come, maybe in years later, i would vanish in thin air.. but i'd missed missed those days, and i always hope that things would get better.. But it has been 7months now.. after all the commotion. I finally let go... and i knew..i'd gained many friends that are concerned about me. Thank you. .

Losing one made me realise that, trying to get something is just one matter,APPRECIATING WHAT you HAVE, is more important in the present..
LOVE YA GUYS..thanks for all the support.. you know i'm not that expressive, so when i say it, means i MEAN it..hahaa

LOVE
MICHELLE