Enlightenment again.........

18 years ago, I was born in this world letting my lungs out, to breath for fresh air, I cried, pooed, slept, many things I’d done, like other babies did. I was bad, I hold my breath while I was crying, till my face turned blue my mum said.. now, ushering the new 2007, I sat here, thinking, how did I spend, my last 2 years, being able to think, the rights and wrongs of my deeds.

Remorsefully, I’d realize I did nothing great. 9 years ago, I lost my beloved grandfather. It was year 1997, and I was just 9. Having a child’s mentality, tears only came from falls and cuts that I endured. Till the moment the coffin was closed, I realized, my grandfather was gone forever. I remembered staying up all night by his coffin, and my mum fainted. That’s all, that’s all in my memory.

Born perfectly in this world, I never appreciated what I had. I always complain, be it anything, its always the question why. Why did it happen to me? Why must this disaster happen to me? Why? Family problems are norms in the society nowadays. I don’t want to further elaborate on mine, an assurance of, nothing you could ever imagine. I grew up from the age of 9, with all traumas that haunted me till now, built an insecurity in me. I was a bad kid.

I was a bad kid.. really a bad kid. At age 7, I started stealing. My classmates would be my victims. So what happened when I got caught? I stole my mum’s money to repay what I’d took from the boy. I was only 7. Bet my mum knows. I don’t know how I got away with it. I shifted, from a private school to a government school. I was a prefect at 8. About me being a prefect, I never knew why they chose me but I knew that I can be naughty, legally. Was I abused when I was small? I don’t know. I only know that I started abusing people then. At age 9, I slapped a small boy, for a reason I don’t remember.

I stole from a bookstore when I was 10. I got caught again, and? I stole from my mum again to repay. Well, I did it once, why not the second time? More of a boyish gal since primary, secondary was just another level of notoriousness..( is this word in the dictionary?) the 1st two yrs.. was a nightmare. My mouth was ten times worst then now. So imagine how hurtful I was. I’m glad that many who held grudges on me, decided to forgive me at the end of the day. No doubt, I still have a lot hating me, and I’m here to make a difference.

I toned down a little since form 3. Was I better? I don’t know. My friends would know. Still have that big mouth in me. I hope it’ll be stopped. I tried stopping. The longest it last, was only 4days. Sad? I know

Rship wise, nothing ever complicated. I fell into something deep. Now, I finally let go. The process was painful. But, I’d learn a lot from it.. None in this world had everything they want. Some rich but unhappy, some smart but no morality. We see why things aren’t going our way. Society took blame of not giving itself a chance to be different. If you want to be noticed, notice people around u. If you want to be love, love people. Its always about giving what you have. Need more money? Give them away, says ANDREW matthew. I love this guy. He inspired me in a lot of ways. I realize, I may not get what I want. But I could give what people want. Love, attention, care and make a difference. My life was hard. And I went thru. I want others to go thru to. Believe in yourself. You can make a difference