There are many many times , that the similar situation fall on me!! well what I'm trying to say is , its like.. at one point i wanted to do this, and at another point, i don't want to do it at all!!
Maybe I'm eager to feel loved. That is the most probable reason, why i move on to love someone else. But when you see things in your eyes. And all the conscience came to interrupt. Somehow you felt lost!I felt LOST!!
I hate having nothing to do, but i hate having something to do. When I'm free.. i tend to think a lot. When I'm not free, I tend to be lazy of not doing things which puts me back to square one. Free again!
When you realise something, you have the intention, the initiative, the courage to do it. Its like you're awake. But how you keep the spirit going? How?
*Relying back to my old book. Being happy. It just brings me back to reality*
At many many times, my brain tells my heart its not worth it. There's no results for it. You know the answer. Why try? Because i have faith. I think there's a chance. I wasn't taught to let go of things i wanted. But what if it hurts you? Would you be determined to get what you want?although it hurts you?
Would you stab yourself, having the thought of wanting to stab yourself, but knowing, the fact that the stab would hurt you?would cause you pain?
Would you risk doing something not knowing the outcome of your action?
Humans wouldn't confidently act, unless they know what they will get. People study hard to get good results. People run to keep fit. People diet to lose weight.
Every action has a purpose. So why am i sad without a purpose. NO..There's no such thing. When you don't know why? Is when you know why but you refuse to understand it, to accept it.
Meaning i know why i am sad. But i just don't want to accept it. I am avoiding the reason. Because i don't want it to happen
I like this phrase. Why? Why would you be scared? Why would you be sad? I like the word why cause it makes me realise. But i hate the word why cause it makes me think.
I always enjoy writing my emotions out. Because as i read, i would understand how redundant my feelings are now. And then i wouldn't feel anything . As in its over.
But the feeling comes back again. Meaning, at the end of the day, if i can't solve the mystery haunting me deep down. I would suffer regular mental sickness that tore me from within.
Sei. after beating around the bush so long, i still don't know what i want. No. I know. But i refuse to do only.
Hmmm... will be OK after awhile. Thanks for the patience.