I'M losing myself

Hmmm, after 18months.. i realised, i'm losing myself. The competitiveness is gone, the urge to get better results, is gone. How could it possibly be as such. I cannot imagine this. Each semester after each, my transcript gets more colourful and the colours are no longer FLYING... i've gotta keep myself up.

I don't like people getting disappointed at me. I wonder how would my college thinks, if they compare me and other scholars. Especially those who scored. Do i deserve that gift? A gift i'd been using for almost 2years half now. Although i meet the minimum requirement.. but its not me. The worst is, I could not do anything about it, no 2nd chance. Just a "try harder" next semester.

Have i disappointed my mum? She sounds cool with my results. Have i disappointed my other mates? Have i disappointed my college? My principal? The inconsistency would reflect on myself. The one thing that i could not lose, my pride, my ego...

I guess its time to make a change, and i've got to be serious this time. Maybe remarking some of my papers... but still, depending...

I need to buck up.. and i must remember to buck up. My cgpa dropped again. Sigh.. how to keep myself up.. people are climbing up and i'm falling down. Gosh.. better start repenting. I have a great chance this semester and i shall do what i can. And i must mean it THIS TIME.. wee, college starts tomorrow, here comes hard work

Working the 12th day.. yee wah ching choo and laishan baru sampai singapore. left 9pm yesterday.. sigh... didn't send them off.. so guilty feeling.. anyway.. will miss them deadly.. (praying hard that yeewah will see this)hahahahaa...


opz..its nine.. time to workout..toodles

Currently working in Scotiabank.

Great experience behind the treasury world, working on short term contracts, interbank deposits, foreign exchange rate calculations, preparations of recapitulation reports.. fun fun fun..

kept me busy.. kept me working, kept me going.. kept me rich..hahaha.. diving here i come..

Friends are leaving me for their future in two days time. The big bunch of chi muis dat we yum cha, play badminton, go hiking, chit chat.. movies.. together..now how? although spore is not far.. but not near too. Soon enough, everyone will be very busy.. Things change and life goes on as usual. Everyone seemed like their looking forward to move on to another stage of their life.. getting new purposes and living with a brand new goal. What bout me?

Am i still as ambitious as i am before?
Am I still trying my best to work at something i want? well i made it for diving...lol
After sometime, i realise, its no longer that important..

My good friend, Nana is leaving us 3 here for aussie this coming july, pretty suprised cause just a moment ago, she told me she not continuing her studies, now she's going to (parents)..
If she's gone, what can i do when i feel like crying at night... wen i need her there to make me laugh for no reason.. who's gonna ryhme my songs, who will continue singing after i stopped.. it'll be her of course..but so far away
haiz.. nana come back quick k? then the next one leaving is lisa d.. no more leehom madness.. no more ppl fetching me with her vios.. no more sudden jokes and cuteness.. left me n yunnie..haiz..

I just wanna make sure that i can still make time for them! Like they always do for me. Hours to work.. gotta rest. came back from PD today. had fun i think. Pictures up soon (liar)